How to Make Friends as a Mom
- rstinson10
- Mar 14
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 17
We all need real friendships. Having real friends -- in real life -- is critical to our mental and spiritual health. We, as human beings, thrive when we interact with others directly, regardless of whether those interactions involve positive or negative emotions. In any case, when we do not have friendships, we devolve and wither: we miss out on the important opportunties, there's no support from others when we need it, and our social skills decay. And when we are only interacting with others through social media (viewing, liking, commenting, etc.), we lose an important part of our humanity.
So how do you build a friendship?
There are so many opportunities to meet people. Do you remember that family at your child's summer camp? What about that local group that was advertising a Mom's night out? There are several challenges involved in making friends. First, there's the tricky part of getting past the awkward beginning. Then you have to be consistent and put in the effort to maintain the friendship. And to have the greatest likelihood of success in either of these, its important to take your relationships seriously and make them a priority.
Maintain Your Friendships
Healthy friendships don’t happen by accident. They take work and intentional living and may require some sacrifices. Maintaining a friendship means texting people back in a timely manner, looking past your differences, and making time for meet-ups in real life. If you don't maintain your friendships, you'll lose them. If you don't water your plants, they'll wither and die, and friendships are the same way.
Here are some useful tips:
Don't just follow people online. As a policy, we do not friend anyone on Facebook. People have replaced meeting up for coffee with Facebook "friending". A Facebook friend is like collecting Pokemon cards: once you have them, you can keep them in a dusty binder and never see them again. "Facebook friends" are counterfeit because you never have to meet or interact with these people in real life. If you're stuck in the cycle of Facebook friending people, you need to break away from it.
What we say when someone tries to friend us: "Thank you for the friend request; however, we do not friend any one on Facebook. We keep in touch with friends in real life and keep track of our contacts using an address book on Excel. We are always up for a meetup!"
Text and call people back in a timely manner. Be reasonable. I am not saying you should drop everything right away. If you can't take the call or answer the text, reply as soon as you are able. It might also mean putting the contact on a to-do list and prioritizing.
Be loyal: once you get past the awkward beginning, having a close friend with trust and rapport in your life is a true blessing. Keep in going!
Consider organizing your contacts on an excel spreadsheet instead of on social media. Its important to keep in touch. Using social media to organize your social contacts is not a good idea because it orients you away from having real-life friendships (which is by design).
When you are invited to something, go! Birthday parties, a Mom's night, getting together for a playdate. It is an act of kindness to show up and attend something you are invited to. The host is being kind by including you. Show up! If you can't go, RSVP! Thank them for the invitation and tell them you are not able to attend.
Be intentional: Plan a party, invite someone somewhere, manage your calendar. Don't just wait for life to happen to you or expect other people to make the first move.
Be there for people: you might be the only one or the one that makes a difference for that person. If you're always "busy", you're likely to miss the one opportunity when someone really needed you (or when you needed a friend!).
Value your friendships: everyone you meet will have different boundaries with you and that is OK! Some you will be able to talk to and do certain activities with that you will not with others. There are some moms in my life who I have little in common with, but they are great friends of ours.
Respect boundaries in communication: once upon a time, it was bad manners to contact someone after 9pm or before 9am. We should bring back that policy (in my opinion).
You're making friends for your kids too! When you make friends with other adults your also enabling your kids to have social opportunities as well.
Respect other peoples time: be punctual. Do not be late to meet-ups. No one likes ot be stood up.
Have margin in your life for friendships. If someone invited you to a moms' night or a birthday party within the next few weeks, would you be able to go?
Healthy friendships take two. You might be a consistent and loyal friend to them, but they might not be to you. So what? Maybe your example will rub-off on them.
Know when to walk away from a friendship: some friends can be toxic. Set boundaries and insist upon high standards.
Be good company: make friendly conversation. If this sounds weird to you, consider making a list of things you might talk about when you meetup (holiday plans, vacation story, farm visit story, etc.). If your friendship is new, get to know them! Ask about their pets, hobbies, if their kids are in any extracurriculars. Don't gossip.
Don't be a "mean girl". Be mindful of the boundaries you make, people you ghost and the friendships you walk away from.
Us moms need adult interaction too.
Being a mom is a unique experience. Think about when you first became a parent and how you tried to maintain friendships with your single or married friends who did not have kids. It might have been challenging due to this new life stage you were in.
Homeschooling is also a unique endeavor and it is important to meet-up with people who share this experience.
Meeting up with your mom friends for coffee, dinner or a mom's night out party is super important.
Dads need some time with friends too. This post is written mostly for moms; however, we want to also encourage you to carve out some time in your schedule to get together for dinner or coffee with a friend as well.
Double dates are also great for some adult time.
Expand your friendship circle for you and your kids.
Be brave: chat with a stranger at the park or at summer camp pickup and exchange phone numbers. Don’t forget to message them soon!
Make the first move! If neither of you choose to interact, who will?
Look up! Include new people in your life. Do not create a clique with only your close friends that you are comfortable with. "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold".
Do not screen your calls/ messaging: since you are exchanging numbers frequently, people who are not in your phone contacts or currently Facebook friends, may try to contact you. Don't blow them off! That person is being kind by reaching out to you and it is rude to ignore their message just because you don't know them, don't remember or don't have them saved in your contacts.
You only get one first impression: make it a good one.
Meeting people online is a great way to make new friends. Here are some tips to make it safe and successful.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
We hope this post encouraged you in your friendships as a mom.
This site is not monetized.
Like our page if you like this page.
Comments