The Art of Great Gift Giving
- rstinson10
- Dec 18
- 16 min read
Updated: 7 days ago
Hello. We are veteran homeschoolers. We invite you to browse our website for more articles about school choice issues, navigating the homeschool world, limiting screen time for your family and more. Our site is not monetized. Support our site by following and sharing.
We live in a world of stuff. Too much stuff: overflowing with useless junk. If you have ever been to a garage sale or a thrift store, you know that many of the things we purchase will eventually end up in a landfill or in the donation bin. Our culture is overly commercialized with fast fashion, viral Tik-Tok items, and expensive water bottles. But it's not that giving or getting nice gifts (or even cheap, throw-away or fad items) is inherently bad, nor that having things is wrong: only that we can be intentional in how we do so.
Some things we buy for ourselves to fill a need or to pursue a hobby.
Some things are acquired for the sake of having them.
Many of the things we have in our lives and homes are gifted to us. Some of the gifts are great gifts that we use and love. Some of them are not. How many times have you received a weird gift, something that was inappropriate, or which crossed a boundary. Maybe you received a gift you could not use for whatever reason and you had the burden of finding a home for it or taking the time to donate or sell it.
Bring intentionality back to gift giving.
We encourage you all to think about holidays and birthday traditions. Why are we doing this tradition? What is the spiritual message of these traditions? Is the excitement of shopping on Black Friday a spiritual experience or an empty one? Is there something else we can do instead? Can we actually afford it? Do we truly enjoy this tradition? It is OK to be minimalist about holidays, cutting back things that are irrelevant and meaningless.
We're not opposing the act of giving gifts in this poste: quite the opposite actually.
We are abundantly in favor of intentional giving and making birthdays and holidays as meaningful and special as possible, but without the clutter.
The average cost of a gift is forecast to hit $72 in 2024, up from $66 in 2023.
According to our most recent survey, 39% of recipients regift their unwanted items, 35% of people just hold on to the unwanted item and 32% exchange them.
Enough of this!
We can change how we give gifts and by doing so, we can also change the traditions of others around us, from the meaningless acquisition of things to the meaningful appreciation of others. Below are some ways we can all make gift giving great again.
6 The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully[d] will also reap bountifully. 7 Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency[e] in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:6- 8
Teach Your Children "Gift Etiquette"
Allow them to help you shop and pick out a thoughtful birthday gift for their friend or a Christmas gift for a sibling. Talk about what your ideas are and why you think it would be a great present. Have them help you wrap the gift. Have them make or decorate a card. Show them how to remove the price sticker from the packaging. Make the gift a personal one.
Teach Your Children to be Good Recipients
Teach them to be grateful for whatever gifts they are given. Teach them that when they receive and open a gift, to act happy and say thank you to the giver, no matter what it is.
Teach them it is bad manners to tell a gift giver that they don't like the gift or that they already have it. Tell your children that if they receive a gift that they don't like or if it's a duplicate, that mom and dad will talk about it later with them in private. You will decide later if you want to donate it, put it in a regift cabinet or return it.
You might want to do a mock giving and receiving. Act out with your spouse what it looks like to receive a gift correctly and incorrectly.
If you are getting ready for a gift holiday like Christmas or their birthday party, this is a good opportunity to review the rules about how to be a good gift receiver.
Help them write a thank you card for the gift. Teach them how to word it correctly, address the label and put the address label and stamp on correctly. Take a look at these links for more information on this subject:
"Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth"
Gifts for the Sake of Giving Gifts
Some holidays have turned into just another excuse to give. And its not that gifts are bad, but for many, some are simply giving for the sake of getting credit, a sort of checkbox that you check off that you're a good person. There are easter baskets, valentine heart shaped trinkets, candy everywhere, Halloween spooky gifts. New years party hats and favors, st. pattys day treats: these traditions can all turn into a checklist of "fulfilling the spirit of the season", rather than being meaningful and significant.
Recently, I have seen posts about "boo baskets" to celebrate halloween. Why? if you like this tradition idea, go ahead. I am just using this as an example of the giving for the sake of an empty tradition. https://hairsoutofplace.com/20-boo-basket-ideas/
However, I am a fan of giving gifts to our children "just because". Good gifts should come from the parents, just as good gifts come from God. We don't need a holiday or a birthday to give them that fun new toy that they wanted. You are their sole provider and you can emphasize this by providing for their needs and even bring them a small amount of joy.
Lets Talk about Party Favors
This is another example where people give for the sake of giving. Or maybe party hosts does it because it's a "tradition"? How many times have you attended a birthday party or a wedding and been given a "gift" before you leave that you don't know what to do with. In our experience these goody bags and favors hold little value and they are useless clutter that will probably end up in the donation bin. Do we really need party gifts? Maybe just being at the birthay party is enough of a reward.
Christmas
White elephant gifts.
Most of these gifts are silly: but in the right group, they can be fun for sure. However,
a lot of the silly "white elephant" joke gifts are true "first world problems". We, Americans have the funds to make and buy useless novelty items for it to likely be discarded or donated for the sake of a laugh.
Think before you host a gift exchange.
Often gift exchanges are not optional. People may be pressured into participating. When forced to participate, participants end up having to shell out more funds for a gift they may not be able to afford and they may not receive a gift they actually like in the trading.
Think about the people in your guest list. Do you think it would make some of them more financially strained to participate in a gift exchange? Will people actually enjoy the gift exchange or will it add stress to an already stressful environment? Is there a new tradition or activity that your group would like better?
Great traditions you may want to add to your Christmas this year:
A secret giver exchange. Each person would only be required to buy one gift for one person. We do this in our household with our children. If it is appropriate, have people turn in gift wish lists. Also, it may be appropriate to have a price limit.
Parties! Eat food! Play a party game and listen to Christmas music.
Mail Christmas cards!
We use Amazon wish lists. Our kids are school age and we help each kid shop and make an Amazon wish list. This gives a child the chance to communicate their wishes to our family members in a polite way. We also use these for birthdays. However, we don't use lists as a way of "Getting what I always wanted." These lists are guides not rules.
We don't have a price limit or toy limit when giving gifts to our kids. We use our judgement about what the kids like or need and gift them appropriately. We are intentional about the toys and things we bring into the house and about gifts we give.
Baby Showers
As you know, when welcoming a new baby, there are many things the new parents will need; A crib, clothing, a stroller, diapers, bedding, bottles, a new carseat, toys etc. And new parents need these things: but they also need their time. If you have kids, you probably remember making a 3am run to the grocery store for diapers or formula (or whatever).
I truly believe baby showers were created to help bless parents and celebrate the new addition, while also helping them in a practical way by gifting them things they really need.
A baby registry is a great way to list the things you need and share it with your friends.
Tips for new parents
When making a baby registry, be sure to include items that are less than $30.
Include diapers and wipes in your registry.
Tips for guests
This is your opportunity to bless the new parents!
Buy something from the registry. There are things that parents really need.
Handmade blankets, burp cloths and other handmade items are great if it is appropriate for the person.
Offer your friend the help they may need. Maybe a visit when they are nearing the end of the pregnancy or during postpartum time, helping with pet care, free childcare, chores are a few other ways to love on them in a practical way.
Consumable Gifts
These are items like food and hygiene gifts that people use up that leave little clutter.
Bath salts, bath bombs, shower gel.
Flowers
Birthday Parties
Use a birthday wish list. We use an amazon wish list for our children. We recommend having a cap of $25 for all itmes. You can send the link for the 75$ Lego set to grandpa personally, but don't ask some family to make such a financial commitment.
Party gifts may be a boundary issue for some new friends who you don't not know well. They also may be a financial strain on some families. Consider adding to your invitation "birthday gifts are a fun and appreciated tradition, however your presence is the only presents we need."
We do not do group gift openings at birthday parties. for several reasons.
The kids are playing nice! Why stop them so they can watch my child open gifts.
Children are still learning gift etiquette. We, as parents, need to be proactive about teaching children how to appropriately give and receive gifts.
Opening gifts is usually a rushed experience if done at the party itself. I have seen this before. What if a giver worked hard to pick out a thoughtful gift, wrap it and attend the party only for it to be ripped to shreds and tossed in the pile to be ignored, ready to open the next gift? It also can be hard for the birthday child's parent to take notes about the gifts for future thank you cards during the chaos of a party.
We understand some people may want to watch our child open their gift. At parties, I tell our friends "we do not do a group gift opening, if your family would like to watch our child open your gift, we can arrange that. Please make sure I'm there too so we can thank you properly for it later."
It puts too much emphasis on gifts rather than friendship. While yes, gifts are a part of birthday parties, the gift opening doesn't have to be. Getting families together for the kids to play and for fellowship is also very important.
Make Thank You Cards!
If someone has taken the time to buy and bring you a thoughtful and appropriate gift, then they deserve to be thanked properly for it. If you received cash, thank them for the money... "Dear Josh, Thank you so much for the birthday money. I used it to buy a new lego set. I really enjoyed building it!
Subscription Gift Boxes
These have become popular. As a homeschooler, we are a big fan of crafts.
However, we are not fans of subscriptions. Here's why:
They are expensive for what they are. In these times, as great as they seem, they may not be a good gift. You are paying too much for the convenience of someone assembling them, buying them items, packaging them and shipping them. And often it is less expensive to buy the items yourself separately.
Subscription box entail a commitment you may not realize. In addition to the yearly subscription (or whatever time-frame you chose), You have the assumption that the receiver would actually use the items regularly. Would they have the help from an adult to do them? Would the kits lose their charm in 3 months?
You pay for them even if you don't like them. They are kind of like a gift basket, you have to buy what's in the gift basket, whether you like all the items or not.
It is a passive and somewhat impersonal act. You are giving the responsibility and pleasure to a faceless company to provide entertainment for your children. They pick it out and send it to them without knowing who your child is.
I have seen so many of these kits on the buy nothing page, at thrift stores and sold on Ebay and market place due to some of these reasons.
If you like the idea of these kits, consider purchasing it "used". They are often new, not used and you can enjoy them without the commitment. Some companies may allow you to purchase them individually. Also, they do have some good ideas. Consider buying and collecting the items separately on Amazon or Michaels for a fun art project instead. Make your own personalized gift box.
There are several baking type of boxes on the market. Our family has opted to purchase kitchen gadgets separately as well as physical cookbooks instead of buying the baking subscription boxes.
Stop Giving Gifts on Behalf of Someone Else
This is a weird tradition. There probably have been times when you or other family members have said "this is from your Aunt" or "this is from Grandpa". Unless you really, really can't give gifts to your loved ones yourself, the gift and the special memory will be more meaningful if you give it to them personally.
For our wedding, a relative mailed their wedding gift for us to another relative for them to give it to us. That person should have given or mailed to us directly.
Budget in Gifts for Friends and Family.
Gift giving is an act of kindness and love. Giving a gift that the person will actually enjoy, appreciate and use will matter. We all have memories of receiving or giving a great gift. It is a way to bless the person with a present. You have the opportunity to love on this person in a tangible way.
This all takes planning, so allocate money in your budget for purchasing a cookbook for your cousins wedding or a doll for your child's friend's upcoming birthday party.
Used/regifts gifts
We are not against this. Gifting a like new item for a Christmas or Birthday gift is fine. Regifted items are also acceptable. However, your gift must be in new condition. The packaging must not be damaged. It also must be appropriate for the receiver. I would also never gift a used or regifted item as a wedding or baby shower gift.
Group Gifts
This is another area that can be a boundary issue. You are asking for a large group of people to join into a "pot" for a gift to give to someone else. It is also semi-public since you have to interact with the organizer. What if one person is not comfortable giving a gift to this person (for whatever reason)? They will be part of the pot anyway even if they give or not. Please, give people the option to give gifts, or not do so. Pressuring a person into giving through group dynamics is a recipe for stirring up resentment.
What to say instead: "Hi all! we are looking forward to our Christmas party next week. This is a great opportunity to give or bring cards to your favorite teachers. Don't forget the director!"
OR "Hi! As you know, Ashley is expecting a baby this spring. We will be hosting a lunch baby 'sprinkle' for her on March 20th. Cake and drinks will be provided."
Charity
We are pro-charity. We also believe that Charity should be intentional, year-round and done as a personal decision between the family who donates and God. As Americans, there are an almost infinite number of non-profits, charities and other opportunities to help people and organizations year round.
But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, Matthew 6:3
give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38
There has been a trend of "in lieu of gifts donate to this cause" for parties.
We disagree with this for the following reasons:
In a traditional present, the giver has many choices of what to gift the receiver for a variety of amounts that aligns with their values and boundaries; a doll, cash, a new spice rack, a book for example. This is not the case in the when doing charities in lieu of gifts. The giver has little choice for what to give the recipient.
The party guest may already have a charity that their family budgets and plans for. They may already be giving a lot. You don't know what their situation is. Maybe the recipient doesn't like or rejects the charity.
A donation at a party may be public. The party guest may be judged on their participation in the same way we are cornered at the grocery store when we pay for groceries when the clerk asks us if we want to donate to store chains charity of choice.
You don't know the financial situation of everyone. The giver may not be in a financial situation to donate to anything. People who are living off debt, or relying upon some type of assistance, hustling side jobs to make ends meet, clipping coupons and buying most of their items at thrift stores to meet their needs should never be pressured to donate to a charity.
The charity, as good as it sounds may not align with the party guests's ideology.
Fraud happens. The party guest must have the choice not to donate if they have the sense that their funds will not be 100% used for the reason advertised; that it is free of scams, fraud or other unethical activities.
If you want to share a charity or charities you like, that's great. We do that on our page.
We encourage anyone to share ways to help our world. However, We believe it must be anonymous and optional.
Experience gifts
I am a fan of some expierence gifts. Again, when they are appropriate.
This has been floating on the internet and I thought I would comment on it.
Our 4 kids are ages 7-13.
Think about what the recipient will enjoy. What would they actually like or need? Make it appropriate. For example, our family personally does not like memberships to zoos or theme parks. We do a lot of field trips throughout the year and we would not travel to the one place enough for a membership to make sense.
If you are a grandparent or someone special in the receivers life -- when appropriate -- take them to experience the adventure yourself! A trip with the grandparents to paint pottery makes more memories and will be more meaningful than passing over an art school gift card to the parents.
I know this post says "we don't need more toys", however it is my opinion that many children do need toys. They are on their devices and screens too much: they are young and would appreciate a more tangible gift like a doll to hold and play with. There are also things the chidlren may need like a new baseball glove or some new art supplies.
Experiences I would add
I would include trips to restaurants. We take our kids out to eat as rewards and as experience gifts. Our children "gift" their siblings restaurant trips to do together.
I would also like to add "cash". Personalize it to say in a card "here is some money for gymnastics class" or " Here is some cash for your next summer art session". The thought is still there, but you are not committed to a specific business or time frame. I would even add "money for karate" on a birthday wish list.
I would also add "babysitting" to the list. Provide childcare for your friend or family so they can have a date night!
Escape rooms are great fun. You can read about the story or theme before you book. This is great to do as a group, so get some friends to join you if you like. They are best for big kids and adults, however a company may advertise an experience that is family and children friendly.
Beware. Some of these would also fall under the bad gift card situation. Where families have the passes and can't or don't use them, see below.
The greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
Maintain healthy relationships with the people in your life. Budget in time to spend time with them. Some of the best gifts our kids ever received is from a loving friend who knew their interests and did not need the birthday wish list.
Gift Cards are Terrible
Yes, there are some situations where a gift card is an appropriate gift. However, for the most part they are terrible, lazy gifts. Some of you have been the receiver of a gift card and can relate to some of the terrible statistics surrounding this type of present.
43% of American adults have unused gift cards, and the total value of these unspent funds in the U.S. is around $23 billion.
1 in 4 people who report losing money to fraud to the FTC said it involved giving numbers off the back of a gift card.
17% of people have lost at least one gift card in their lifetime.
71% of people have held onto a gift card for at least one year after receiving it.
for more gift card statistics, click here https://capitaloneshopping.com/research/gift-card-statistics/
Ever had a gift card with $0.45 left on it? What do you you with it?
Comments