Internet and Phone Safety Issues with Children
- rstinson10
- May 10
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 15
We are not a screen free family. We provide video games, movies and other devices for our children to use. However, we do limit their usage (which we call "device time") and we create strict boundaries and rules for the use of devices in our household.
Why? Because it is our sole responsibility - as parents - to keep our children safe, and this applies in virtual domains as well as real ones. We require them to ride their bike with a helmet, teach them to use tools in a safe way, and to play safely with their siblings: the same principles apply to interacting online. Moreover, spiritually speaking, online interaction is more dangerous than any tool: if a child cuts themself, it may mean a trip to the emergency room, while accessing inappropriate online content can make a lifelong impact. It is also our responsibility to protect our children from predatory adults and other misbehaving children that are enabled through online interaction.
However, based on news stories and social media posts about children getting hurt in internet or device related situations, it seems that many adults seem blind to the immediate and long term impact of online access in a child's life.
We live in a connected world where it is easy and almost trivial for children to interact over the internet with anyone or anything within seconds, enabling content and untrusted actors to enter our homes as if they were physically present. In a single click your 8 year old could be zipped away into a pornographic chat room, or an online game filled with adults masquerading as children, unless you take the necessary steps to prevent such situations and other similar ones from happening.
We live in a world where caution, sensitivity, and safety in accessing online content are an absolute necessity if you allow your child to use any kind of connected device: whether it is a computer, iPad, phone, or gaming console. And yet, it seems most parents have an unbalanced approach to safety. While parents will act to protect their children when traveling outside the home, they often make an exception for devices that connect to the internet, sometimes for children at an extremely young age. Parents won't leave their child with a sitter, but will give them have free reign of the internet and cell phone usage.
We agree that parents should use good judgment and have boundaries with other people. The news is filled with stories of children getting hurt by other kids, parents, grandparents and licensed, qualified caregivers and teachers. Don't be paranoid, but use discernment in being safe. Moreover, even the use of safe online content has demonstrated in numerous studies to have a harmful impact to young children, if overused.
It's time for parents to step up and do their jobs to ensure that our children are safely navigating devices, the internet and online content -- or not at all.
Parental Controls Do not Work: Don't rely upon them
Parental controls are unreliable, and the may only be capable of showing what your child may have seen after the fact, when it is too late. You can block specific websites that have overtly adult content, but what about the many others that are borderline or have non-pornographic content that is nonetheless objectionable? Parents also use parental controls as a crutch: there are so many safety issues on screens and tech, you cannot use parental controls alone to keep your children safe.
We use these monitoring mechanisms:
Children may only access permitted websites. All other websites are blocked. The controls which "whitelist" website access generally work very well.
Children are only allowed to use a internet accessible device in a public area during specific times, when we can (and will) be able to see what they are seeing.
Children are only allowed to use specific, approved-by-a-parent, apps and software.
Children are never allowed privacy in their online access and they are never allowed to use a device in their bedroom or a private area. We require them to always show their browsing history.
Socialization using Online Services
Online interaction using text messaging or gaming is not socialization. Allowing young children to have phones and "interact" with their friends without basic supervision enables the possibility of cyber-bullying, harassment, and unwanted exposure. We simply don't allow it. Kids should have real life interactions with other kids, so that they develop real-life social skills.
Catfishing and bullying have been around since the internet first became available. When you are online, you simply do not know who you are talking to. The other person has complete anonymity. They can say they are your child's 11 year old friend, but could be their friend's creepy uncle using their handle instead. Online interaction simply cannot be trusted.
There are plenty of ways to enjoy video games without interacting with people online. Here's a disturbing example from a home surveillance video of man visiting a child he met on Roblox: link.
In many families, text messaging apps have replaced actual healthy socialization in children. There is no incentive for parents to make an effort to get the kids together to play board games or play in the sprinklers, when children can have the needed "socialization" at home, by themselves in their pajamas, chatting in an unreal online world.
Children are using social media to make school threats.
Parents should be facilitating their children's social life
Decades ago before the internet happened, and even 15 years ago, there were playgroups available for young families. Moms would get together often with other families for playdates and mom's nights. But due to the crutch of social media and overly digital lifestyles, those playgroups are mostly nonexistent today. We need these social systems to make a comeback!
Parents should be directing and supervising all social interactions. Parents must be proactive in their child's social life so you know what is going on with who. This means that parents should arrange playdates, and maintain relationships with other families.
Skit setup video of someone easily kidnapping a child in front of a father because dad's eyes were on his phone. This is not supervision. Link
Click to see our article on tips to make your playdate fun and safe.
Click for networking tips to grow your friendship circle.
Photos and videos of children should not be posted or shared online. Ever.
The internet is forever. Even when content is deleted, it is not gone.
I remember reading an article years ago about the sharing photos of children on the internet and there was a point they made that will forever be in my mind. It was that these children may be future judges, politicians, or public figures. They do not need bath photos all over the internet of them when they were young.
Do you remember the internet lightsaber kid? Yes, that video is still on Youtube nineteen years later. And even now Ghyslain Raza still feels the harm he endured to his reputation and self-confidence from that video (see link). And we pity "Ryan" from the Youtube channel "Ryan's Toy Review": 50 years from now, it's likely that the only thing that will be remembered of Ryan is his toys and the stupid videos he and his parents mde. Will he ever become President of the United States, CEO of a fortune 500 company, or a senator/elected representative? Probably not, because in the minds of millions he's just that kid that made toy reviews.
There is common problem in the world of online channels and creators. Their content gets stolen often and their video channels get copied. When you are sharing seemingly innocent photos of your family vacation online, it is also very easy for others to copy, save or use your "content" as their own, sometimes for sin or monetary reasons. More so, online content is regularly harvested for commerical usage. The cutest photos of your kids may become a permanent fixture of Microsoft's clip art library.
We do not share photos or video of our kids online and we will not share them on this blog. However, other parents have posted photos of our kids without our permission on their social media page. Can we all agree to take internet safety seriously? This makes it so that we must also be cautious of other adults over-stepping each others parental boundaries when this happens, which is a violation of privacy. https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1AdrtCiz1U/
When we have a photo we want to share with friends or family, we text it to them or show it to them when we meetup in person. Nothing is shared over the internet or on social media.
We also teach our children appropriate photo boundaries. We keep devices put away when friends are over and do not use cameras when they are with friends. We teach them not to share a photo via text since they currently do not have the discernment to determine if it is safe to do so. We teach them that some people use photos for sin. We teach them not to take photos or video of other people unless it is at a birthday party or permission is granted for a specific reason. We teach them that photos are forever, even embarrassing ones.
Children should not be allowed to make online purchases at all.
Parents: you are facilitating your child's theft by allowing them unsupervised freedom with online purchases. It would be like letting your child free in a mall with a shoebox full of bills with no rules, supervision or boundaries. News stories of children "accidentally" spending excessive amounts of money online are not funny or cute.
Real money is used in online gameplay. The money or coins or credits used in online gaming seems like it is pretend, but if you have a credit card associated with it, you are allowing your child to spend money you do not plan on spending on silly virtual purchases without your knowledge or permission.
When our children want to buy something, they ask us for it. We have the ability and the discernment to buy it now, wait to buy it, chose where we make purchases, and how much money we spend on it. Recently, our 13 year old wanted a bulletin board for his room, so we shopped for it online together. We are always the one who finishes any online transactions.
Don't Allow your Kids Access to TikTok or Do TikTok challenges
TikToc challenges are the modern day "dares" that often get children killed or arrested. They are extremly dangerous and fly under the radar of parents due to the lack of online supervision. These challenges are a big part of our culture so we have had conversations about what they are with our kids and to not engage or participate in them.
"The Chromebook Challenge", named for Google's line of laptops, encourages students to insert metal items into the USB port on their school-issued computers, intending to create sparks, smoke and possibly a fire. https://www.cnet.com/tech/dangerous-tiktok-chromebook-challenge-avoid-sparking-a-fire-in-your-laptop/
11 yr old sends a prank text to 911 which results in a felony charge. This is another case of a tiktoc challenge that changed lives forever.
Dangers of using online video to babysit children for long hours.
Youtube alone is not bad. There are many great channels that are educational or entertaining. Cooking shows, tutorials, science shows, math lessons, travel videos to help us plan a trip, and how to assemble a complex transformer are all great content. What is not acceptable, is the over-use and unlimitied access that children seem to get from their parents. Stupid content like unboxing videos, family vloggers, kids playing with toys and other inappropriate content is not ok.
When was the last time you saw a child play outside in thier front yard? When was the last time you saw a child ride their bikes or play basketball in their driveway? If a child is able to get a quick dopamine fix from staring endlessly at online content, why would they go outside to play -- which takes effort?
According to this teacher, tick tock and youtube videos have replaced actual movies.
This mom regrets allowing her baby to watch screens for such long hours.
This creator encourages youth to "edge" while in class.
Click to see our article about screen time boundaries in an overly digital world
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